My dear Pakistanis hail me as I am the only savior of your lives. I will redefine Islamic history with a new Islamic touch and using my U-turns I will try hard to make Pakistan Riyasat-e-Madina. What a gracious team I had during the days I ruled over you, doesn’t matter they were competent or not but they never raised their head before me. Then came a day when the super power of the world leaving all its interest and International affairs started a conspiracy against me using a magical piece of paper.
However, everyone was against me and offered me to lap lemons during an official meeting on foreign conspiracy. I couldn’t figure out why they advised me that until I realized that I was licking the threat letter from US and was wearing the shalwar (light trouser) of my wife. But, Pakistanis believe me on this, that the letter was real I myself asked Shehbaz (*Gill he is not Sharif at all) to type that letter. It’s really an honor for me to get such a massive support from all of you suffering from a confirmation bias that I am the only solution to your problems. My boat would keep on sailing until mindlessness prevails, reality is deep-faked and education is deprived.
If anyone wonders how I came to know about the conspiracy against Pakistan? It became possible with the help of a strong power of sniffing that requires years of practice. It was during my days in the West when I learned this power using a magical powder and no one in the world can do it better than me. Since childhood I used to idealize people like Dan Bilzerian, I knew he would get married one day, followed the same path and now I can proudly say, “been there done that”. No one understands life better than me and I want to advise something to my youth. Do everything you want such as being a playboy, doing drugs, abandoning your illegal child, but at the end show the world you can become the greatest leader of the Islamic world and guess what people will still believe you.
Now-a-days I am learning magic of maligning others without any reason from my sorcerer wife who is giving me small pieces of paper to drink written Mr. X and Mr. Y on them. So far, life has been very good, doing nothing looking busy as PM, creating a mess of country’s economy, and now finally trying to instigate anarchy. It wouldn’t have been possible without your support my Pakistanis. With all those useless slogans you chant for me – my blind followers they make your life even worse and at the end all of you may suffer but remember one thing “Ghabrana nhi ha” (don’t need to get worried) and keep supporting the cult.